so i did my usual railway ritual the day before flying off...each time i come back i get more sad to leave. singapore is growing on me, i dunno if i can talk quite so much about leaving anymore...maybe that is no longer as important to me, maybe i've stopped feeling the need to escape from singapore...or maybe there's some other place that needs escaping from more.

and so i'm back at brown. how do i feel? i don't know. but summer has ended, and so will the many complicated affairs of those heady irrational days. i thought i had come to some sort of epiphany with regard to who i am, and perhaps i have, but i still need what i need more than want what i want (does that make sense?). and reality still rules the day.

till next time, summer.

dont mess

went shooting for the first time on sunday. pardon me, i'm wearing my ear muffler thingeys wrong. but it was awesome :)

so i'm home early for the first time in more than a week and everyone is fighting so much. its so sad and frustrating. i'm leaving in a week guys, i just wanted us to have a nice dinner.

and presentation tom...sheesh. boy do i wish i were at brown right now.

more gic fun

ca + sh + jamie + strawberries!

<3

chernwei eats with his fingers a lot but -gasp- here he is, using a fork and knife!

summer is ending so soon, there are 12 days left. i don't want it to be over, i've had so much fun and learnt so much..PLEASE DONT LET THIS END. i'm afraid that getting back into the routine of school will make me forget to live consciously, or at least as consciously as i have been these past 3 months. i guess i will eventually tire of thinking so much, but this process has been amazing. life is all about losing and the re-discovering yourself over and over again. the process of self-discovery, reflection and betterment should never stop. i will never be exactly the same me that i am at this very moment and i don't want to be.

today i said that i don't believe in true love or the one but i believe wholeheartedly in happiness and hope. this summer has been all about that - living in the moment and finding happiness and hope in the little things. happiness comes from within, everything else is icing on the cake.

last night i had a dream that i haven't been able to get out of my mind

i only remember pieces of it now, but i remember exactly how it felt

in that dream i'm always moving, running, flying away, sailing nowhere, escaping somewhere

like driving top-down on an endless highway in the middle of the desert

like being in an empty airport waiting for my next flight out

like standing by the ocean and watching the ships roll by, hoping to sail away somewhere

a part of me wants to wander and leave pieces of myself in different places, with different people

i am here but my heart is wandering, in search of something but of nothing at the same time

perhaps searching for myself

i need to remember this dream and this moment, this phase of my life when i feel so lost in my own thoughts

i love what i have and i love every part of who i am, real or not

but i am still lost in this dream

don't wake me up

don't make me face the reality of my mundane existence

don't try to keep me here

let me dream, let me sail away

boys become men

boys become men when they enter national service

-national day parade quote/quote of the year

stuff that caught my attention today:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2010/aug/08/japan-postwar-compliant-us-vassal

http://www.eyeweekly.com/film/film/article/71567

i want to be a manic pixie dream girl! yeah yeah i'm not artsy or vintagey...but i wish i could be that flighty and free.

AH GONG IS MAKING HIS SPEECH NOW. cannot miss it.

KL

so we made this insane little trip up to KL...and i only stayed a day! haha, naise.

super nice (vintage-looking) beef hor fun

thanks chernwei for cutting off our feet...

i've been doing way too much thinking...and i'm so tired. i hate having to think about or answer questions about where we're headed coz i have no clue and it makes me sad to hear myself make cursory remarks that try to siam the real issue...like "see how"...SO SICK OF SAYING THAT...coz i don't see how.

help me, i can't be cured.

就算是擁有情人也解決不了的寂寞
我想我的心應該是缺了一個很大
很深
很絕望的洞